Al A’ayb” or “defect” in the English language.
Socially, “Al A’ayb” is any inappropriate act that doesn’t fit the social standards, or norms.
A’ayb, cover your shoulders- it is inappropriate..
A’ayb how dare you speak about sex..
A’ayb how dare you speak up..
A’ayb lower your voice.
A’ayb how dare you disagree with the elderly?! even if you are right..
A’ayb you should’ve kissed the people equally 3 times on the cheek when you entered the room. A’ayb..A’ayb.. A’ayb…
The “A’ayb”, although some people would think it is what keeps our societies morally right, considering it a word to discipline one’s self. A word that messes with one’s reputation. A word that saves our Arab communities from deteriorating.
Do you want to know the truth? It’s that this word has been an obstacle to our societal development rather than helping us improve.
But how? Allow me to entertain this thought in your head. In the name of “A’ayb”, you are closing up the doors of communication that would mend relationships and enlighten minds. With this “A’ayb” of yours, you are closing thinking horizons, suppressing thoughts, killing diversity. You’re demolishing all critical thinking, and boxing one’s mind to defect nonsense instead of opening up to discuss, why are they wrong? The “A’ayb” has been inherited from our ancestors. Over the years, what has this “A’ayb” been beneficial towards other than transforming us into consuming Arabs: unable to produce, blocking our sense of analyzing, and simply going with the “A’ayb” instead of questioning why it is a defect? It has changed the life paths of many, forcing them to accept what is normal. What is mild is allowing them to get into the rat race and get trapped in a box of limitations, for the A’ayb has limited the Arab nation’s dreams and ambition.
When talking about “A’ayb” you must mention the effect it has on vulnerable social classes, especially women in Arab communities. Your Shoulders, your skin, your body, your voice, your posture: they all belong to the people’s mouths. Be aware of their talking because if you do anything that would be considered “A’ayb”, then your freedom ends there. In some primitive societies it would be better to kill the woman or girl, and it would be called a crime in the sake of honor. Ironically a woman doesn’t belong to herself. Her body, her thoughts, and her actions all belong to the society, and her surroundings. Even rape during marriage doesn’t exist, as when you get married you belong to your husband from then on.
To sum up this “A’ayb” is the answer to why rape and harassment cases are barely reported. This explains why women do not report their domestic abuse. “It is better to keep it low key for the reputation of my family, for the kids, for the neighbors not to talk, for the story not to spread, to prevent my life from being destroyed, yet to keep this non existing social image.” This is what you will hear Arab moms say. “A’ayb” is why getting therapy is prohibited. Arab societies have sanctified the “reputation,” and what others would think on the expense of having the perfect image on the outside while collapsing on the inside.
“A’ayb” is why sex, religion, and politics are taboo topics. Never bring them to the family table. In fact, never bring them, ever! The “A’ayb” has prevented us from having good sex education; “A’ayb” has even increased our religious conflict. Instead of talking about religion, daring to ask why we believe in what we believe in, why we practice certain rituals. Instead of seeking to understand, and comprehend basic knowledge. This concept is the reason why you would think twice before you would express your thoughts of being an atheist, an agnostic, describing your sexuality, pleasures, desires, your needs and wants.
“A’ayb” has also found its way to enter politics. Any political opinion that doesn’t match with your surroundings even if it’s said to be a democracy would have you sentenced for being against the ruler. Take Egypt as an example, you cannot voice your stance against the president Hosni Mubarak, or you would get followed, chased, or arrested. “A’ayb” is the reason why freedom of speech has had major restrictions, the reason why a person is more likely to stay in the hierarchy, following the same corrupted, ill status quo. If you have a corrupted family friend, “A’ayb do not hold him accountable.” The patronage system found in every Arab country fed on the culture of A’ayb. Even the word “A’ayb” has developed into a body language. In Lebanon it is represented by folding the bottom lip inside your upper teeth.
As I finish writing this, a voice in the back of my heads wonders, “A’ayb how is she talking about A’ayb!” The Arab failure caused by the A’ayb is a mere fact we are witnessing today. A’ayb isn’t what is supposed to hold us accountable for keeping our humanitarian traits or good morals. One should activate the sense of critical thinking, dare to think, to explore, and to ask, to break those taboos, and stereotypes the ones that control you, and your Arab society.
Written by: Lea Ghandour